Social media, magazines, and even our relationships often define how we view ourselves. We wake up each morning and question our body size, our hair, our skin, etc. We think if only something were better, we’d have it all together. Everything we analyze in that mirror is superficial. We cannot help it. In truth, very few people are absolutely secure in themselves. It is human nature. It is one more vice that Satan uses to damage our self worth.
I have personally always struggled with my weight and appearance. It began in late elementary school and my insecurities and constant comparisons have plagued me ever since. As adults, we have the opportunity to redefine ourselves. We can finally choose how we live our lives. In college, my ideas of beauty were my naturally beautiful and perfectly proportioned roommates. I had gotten passed never dating in high school. I had dealt with never being asked by a guy to school functions or Friday night movies. I assumed it was because there was something wrong with me, primarily my weight, that kept me from enjoying the typical dating scene. I was never short on friends or things to do, but I was never seen as more than a friend.
I defined my worth by my size. It did not matter how “healthy” I was. If I was not attractive according to societal standards, then that had to be the problem. That became my focus. I ate okay on a poor college student’s budget and I worked out a lot. Some of the weight came off but I could never get where I thought I needed to be. Again, something had to be wrong with me. Maybe I was not trying hard enough. I constantly questioned myself.
In 2004 the Lord introduced me to my helpmate during the time we were both working as camp counselors at a Virginia Christian Camp. In 2005 we began dating. He and I dated long distance until we married in 2008. It was an amazing feeling to find someone who loved me for me. We eventually began trying to grow our family without success.
In 2011 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This was life changing. As I researched my diagnosis, I discovered that many women with PCOS struggle to lose weight. They also struggle with hirsutism, that despite even undergoing electrolysis, I still deal with daily. It was also the cause of our infertility.
I read dozens of medical articles and books trying to uncover a magic cure. There were none. I began exercising a lot to combat the weight that was believed to be contributing to some of my fertility issues. It took me about a year of eating well and exercising to lose 25 pounds. I had expected to lose so much more. We finally conceived in 2012 and then again in 2014, both with medical assistance. After my son was born, I began looking at myself through different eyes. My body was working against me but it had managed to develop and carry two beautiful miracles. That was such an amazing accomplishment. I realized I had been looking at my body all wrong. I needed to tap into what it meant to actually be healthy, not thin.
Healthy looks different on everyone.
It was then that I began looking at what would work with my diagnosis instead of against it. I began eating low carb foods. Within 4 months I was down almost 20 pounds. My body was responding to eating foods that did not increase insulin output. I did not feel sluggish anymore and I was gaining not only energy, but confidence. I kept this going and maintained until October 2016. I was in a tragic car accident and between emotional eating and lack of exercise from injuries, I put all of my weight back on and then some. I no longer felt healthy.
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The past few months have been a challenge as I’ve finally worked through strategies to help me with my emotional eating and PTSD from the accident. The last month has proven, once again, that hard work and finding a healthy balance that works with my body can lead to success. I have begun exercising regularly and I am back to eating primarily lower carb foods. In about 4 weeks I have lost about 6 pounds and 5+ inches overall. Everyday my body thanks me. It actually now craves exercise.
All of this has led me to a new view of healthy and ways that I can simplify my health goals.
I began with one umbrella goal that all of my mini goals would fall under.
GOAL: Become physically and emotionally healthy.
I then chose several mini goals to work on that would help me achieve my overall goal. My mini goals were more specific.
MINI GOALS;
-Get BMI below 30
-Exercise regularly (30 min/4x a week)
-Eat low carb at most meals
-Stay hydrated
These mini goals require planning and structure, but that fits my personality well. I have about 20 more pounds before I reach my first BMI goal. Lowering my BMI will help with heart health, blood pressure, and muscle/joint strain. The exercise, eating and hydration all help me work towards lowering my BMI, which will in turn help me work towards my ultimate goal.
Part of my main goal is also emotional health. For me that has meant meeting with a counselor, a nutritionist and surrounding myself with encouraging supporters who value me and my health, not my size.
This journey has also reminded me that our minds give up long before our bodies will. We have to get in a mindset that will help us push ourselves when we would rather give up. We must keep things simple. If we over complicate things or put too many expectations or goals in front of us, we are more likely to give up because we become overcome with each minor set back. Simplifying your health goals will help you succeed in a way that will be productive. Avoid the fads and quick fix diets and supplements. You do not need to pay hundreds of dollars for a fitness routine. Look into resources that are accessible, nutrient needs for your body, and begin loving yourself. Taking care of your health is one of the best ways to promote self care.
As you work towards a healthy life style (because diets are not the way to go), you will undoubtedly have setbacks. They do not have to stall you out and by all means, do not quit. Keep going.
“It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.” -Jillian Michaels
A Place of Grace by Design 